Film Crew in review: MST3K sans 'bots

Film Crew series
Review by Craig Phillips

I was in college when Mystery Science Theater 3000, which aired on Comedy Central for several years before moving to the Sci-Fi Channel, was in its heyday and still pine for those Saturday nights spent with friends watching the Satellite of Love get us through one bad movie after another with the sheer brilliance of their writing (and the extent of their bravery). For fans needing a fix, the Film Crew - which features former MST3K writer and host Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy (Tom Servo on MST) and Bill Corbett (the second voice of Crow T Robot) - make as good a fill-in as a "mystie" could hope for. While I still miss the robots and the more strongly differentiated characterizations on Mystery Science Theater (and, heck, I miss their silhouettes too, which, especially in the Joel Hodgson years, were often used for some great gags), these new DVDs are a welcome addition.

The linking bits aren't up to the highest of MST standards, but they get better with each subsequent DVD, offer a few laughs, and are quite short. Each disc begins with a brief intro, in which the Film Crew, characterized as blue collar guys just doin' a job, are given their assignment by The Boss, a nod to Charlie's Angels (we just see his picture on the desk as he talks on speakerphone). Then the Crew gets a lunch break - which they need more than we do - but these segments are generally pretty amusing. I do wish there were more chapter stops - they provide them for before and after the lunch breaks about halfway through - but I suppose with the commentary being the star here and the films themselves decidedly not, adding more chapters probably didn't seem worth the effort. [Watch the first two minutes of each movie here]

Now then, the films:

Hollywood After Dark
Commentary: *** 1/2
Movie itself: **
If the idea of seeing a young Rue McLanahan shake her ta-tas in a night club then this sleazy attempt at film noir (film bore is more accurate) is for you. Actually, that alone makes this more of a horror film. After Dark's an odd choice to launch the Film Crew series, but as awful as this movie is, it makes for some fascinating viewng, too, and the trio's commentary features many nuggets of snarky goodness. There are slow stretches, where even the FC is at a loss of how to save it, and where you'll likely feel the urge to fast forward, but it's a valiant effort - close to, if not quite reaching, the levels of MST's similar dive-y, trashy Daddy-O. (No "Hike Up Your Pants" song here but there is the unforgettable strip tease which is worth the price of admission.)

Killers From Space
Commentary: ****
Movie itself: *
Like a few MST-ed films with titles that made them sound far more fun than they actually were (Monster a Go Go and The Hellcats come to mind), this dreadful 1950s sci-fi "thriller" deserves every insult it gets from the Film Crew. But it does star Peter Graves, which leads to many an A&E Biography reference. The plot, such as it is, revolves around astronaut Graves, who survived a crash landing, suffers amnesia, may or may not have paranoid delusions about a plot against the earth, and spends most of the film wandering to and from a hospital bed, or driving somewhere to get to the bottom of what happened to him. The bottom is where the film belongs, but the spot-on commentary will keep you engaged throughout most of it. Warning: there is a lot of day-for-night shooting, which is always a sign of a masterpiece. Best line:

Wild Women of Wongo
Commentary: ****
Movie: * 1/2
A truly hilarious piece of dreck set on a far away island in a far away time, in which all the natives look like they wandered in from the Tallahassee Junior College players - they will blind you with their whiteness - in this story of rival tribes warring over, yes, the mild, er wild, women of Wongo. You 'come in peace'... with spears!" exclaims one of the island women. The film features an unforgettable interpretive dance number that is so surreal it doesn't even require commentary to make it funny - but the Film Crew's got it covered, don't worry. As with all the films, there are slow stretches that even they can't save, but not too many - this is still wongoriffic.

This one felt closest in spirit to a great episode of MST.

Giant of Marathon
Commentary: ***
Movie itself: **
Giant of Marathon is not a terrible film as badly dubbed Italian Hercules epics go, especially with a pedigree that includes Italian horror maestro Mario Bava (as DP) and director Jacques Tourneur (Out of the Past, Cat People), but don't let that get your hopes up, either. The film's mostly a slog, although not as badly made a slog as some MST or FC experiments. And the commentary, which is what gets us through the thing, is good, not the Crew's best effort but full of some great lines and observations. There are just some moments where the guys seem as bored with the film as we are. The sound mix is a little spotty, too, with the original film's dub track a bit hard to hear (although we're not missing much).

But all told, it's a worthy effort, once again full of bon mots. "It's all about posing and drumming with these people - they're gonna bore their enemies to death!" remarks Bill Corbett during yet another pointless marching-into-battle scene. And dig that cheesy multi-split screen to expand the number of extras in a battle scene. And, when a skull is launched from a catapult, as it lands, one of the Crew interjects, "Ah, Maria Shriver's head." Random, and hilarious. Just like the best moments on Mystery Science Theater.

Film Crew isn't MST, of course, but again, it's as good a replacement as we'll get these days and that's nothing to sneeze at.

(PS: It's not entirely clear who the "Giant" of the title is - Steve Reeves? George Blanda?)